I recently went to Mulholland’s, my favorite sports bar in Williamsburg. It may also be the ONLY sports bar in Williamsburg, as hipsters typically have a hard time focusing on activities that don’t include dressing ironically, growing mustaches and rolling around in dirt. But this bar is pretty tits. I especially like their friendly bartenders, good beer specials and “Cheap Bastard Wrap,” which contains Steak-Ums, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and a shitload of mayo. Delicious, and as the name suggests, very cheap. It’s what I always get there, but they also have a “Philly Cheese Steak,” so I figured I should try it.
GET IT: The menu reads:
Philly Cheese Steak
Philly hero comes with melted cheese, sauteed onions and Mulholland’s secret sauce on a baguette.
For those outside of NYC, “hero” means “hoagie,” “secret sauce” means “ketchup + mayonnaise” and “baguette” means “the wrong kind of bread.” I ordered it without onions and braced myself.
EAT IT: The pic at the top of this article shows the pile of peppers I was forced to remove from my “hero.” There was literally an even ratio of peppers to steak! GTFO! I could not taste anything other than the steak, cheese and peppers, so I am led to believe that “Mulholland’s secret sauce” was not ketchup + mayonnaise, but rather “a shitload of peppers! Gotcha, bitch!”
WELL? At half the price and three times the pleasure, I found myself yearning for the Cheap Bastard Wrap the whole time. This hero can take a hike!
NOT A CHEESESTEAK!
