The end of summer had come, which meant a trip down to Ocean City, MD with some friends for some partying and shenanigans. The results included trashed hotel rooms, a friend with a broken hand, another friend nearly thrown off our 4th floor balcony, and a killer hangover. My hope was that a cure to said hangover laid in a cheesesteak from the crummy establishment of Big Pecker’s Bar & Grill, conveniently located across the street from our hotel.
As we entered Big Pecker’s, I recognized all of the waitresses immediately as relatives of every single girl I’ve ever met at the Jersey shore. The awful tans, extra baggage around the waists, and that still-drunk-at-11am look gave them away. One of the waitresses came and brought us all coffee, which was by far the most disgusting coffee I’ve ever tasted. It was as if they took the water they used to clean out the coffee maker, heated it up (barely), and served it. But I am not a coffee expert, so I’ll cut to the chase.
GET IT: The “Philly Cheese Steak” listed tomatoes, in addition to steak, cheese and onions, as an ingredient. Tomatoes? GTFO! You can hold those, Sandy, as well as the onions please. And while you’re at it, tell your cousin Colleen up in Jersey that I’m sorry I never called her back. I just can’t respect a girl who wakes up in her own vomit and urine.
EAT IT: Maybe it was the hangover. Maybe it was the coffee. Or maybe it was the fact that the $8.99 sandwich I ordered came on a soggy roll with Steak-umm and the grossest looking cheese I’ve ever seen, which had a yellow liquid floating in the middle of it (see picture above) that could either have been grease or Sandy’s leftovers from the previous evening. Oh, I ate it. Every last bite. Because did I enjoy it?
WELL? Not only did it not cure my hangover, but it was the worst “cheesesteak” eating experience I’ve ever had in my entire life. And to top it off, it gave me a stomach ache that I could not relieve until I arrived back in Brooklyn five hours later.
NOT A CHEESESTEAK!
